I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
