you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
