Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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