i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
