I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
