I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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