First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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