I'm lost and stupid without you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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