plz talk dirty to me
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
