I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
