none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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