9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
