But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize