Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
420 ftw
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
