where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
