it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
