Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
