So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
pop tarts are not kleenex
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
