P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
