He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
