Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize