You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
