if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
