I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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