We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
