i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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