I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
