she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
