I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's blow job season.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
