It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize