U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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