Ambien. No doubt about it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
