woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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