did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
