So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
