i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
babies were throwing up all over the place
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
