Already got asked if we're dating
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
