that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
