your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
