i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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