I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize