Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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