you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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