theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
