Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
