I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
