He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
