party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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