I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
