I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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