so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize