You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
