this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
