no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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