Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
