jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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