I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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