Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
