She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
