Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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