My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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