That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize