I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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