Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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