i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
