There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
