If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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