So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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