my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
