I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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