You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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