for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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