24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
