I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
